Time

Where does all the time in my week go?
I cannot believe how much I my home gets negelted each week.
Yesterday, it took me 2 1/2 hours to clean the basement.
But I am also in "Fall Cleaning" mode so that may be why too.
Today on my list is to get the laundry going and get the upstairs deep cleaned.
I know I will be doing this alone.
Not that I am complaining. I would rather do it myself.
I am one of those, if I do it myself, I know it will get done right type of people.
Plus, asking for help from dh is like trying to get a lion to become just a lap animal.

I have decided that I need to make better use of my time.
I know. I know.
I am almost 40 and just now having a revelation about how terrible I time manage.
With the new job I am starting when my other ends, I will be working Monday thru Friday 8 - 5 and I need to learn how to get my "wifely duties" done each evening so I can have my weekends to do whatever I feel like.
So I found this website a long time ago, http://www.avirtuouswoman.org .
It has a "household notebook" printouts, so I printed off the Daily Schedule and am going from there.
I figure if I make a Monday thru Friday schedule from after Jazzercise until I drop in bed, then I won't have so much to do on the weekends.
I am just tired of feeling like a woman with her hair on fire every Saturday and Sunday because nothing has been done all week.
I can spend my time on things I want to do and not need to do.
That of course means being horded away in my scrap room working on Jordan's pages before graduation in May.
That time will be here before I want too.

I have been wasting my time, when no one is coming in, at work on different scrapbooking and scrapbooker sites.
I found this daily blog question on the "Two Peas" scrapbooking message board this morning.
(I stay off the non-scrap related board. Those women are just out to eat each other alive!)
Since it is a "time" issue, I thought it went well with my post this morning.

Blog about 5 things you want to do before your time is up.
Could be anything.
Blog about those 5 things.

1. Grow way to old with my dear husband
2. See my son grow and prosper in his career and personal life.
3. See my daughter flurish and prosper in her career and personal life.
4. To meet all my grandchildren and possibly great grandchildren.
5. To leave happy memories with each and every person I meet in the time I have left.


Have a great day and go make the most of the time we have been blessed with.

The Cost of Dreaming

I was offered a job on Thursday.
To work for the same people I currently work for but only in their staffing company in the collection's area.

On Wednesday John and I went for a ride.
As we were riding around he asked if I wanted to buy this house.
It's the one my financial counselor friend thinks would make a perfect bed & breakfast.
You cannot see it thru the tree, but it's a beautiful old 3 story victorian style house.
I made the mistake of going and looking at it tonight.
Okay, it wasn't a bad mistake, but it awakened dreams again that I had decided to quit on.

Why am I quitting?
Because it is just my dream and my loving husband does not share in it.

As I wandered around the beauty of this house and talked with my girlfriend about how wonderful it would be to have and clean it up, fix it up and live in, I kept hearing "reality" in the corners of my mind.
My beautiful daughter has senior pictures, which are a big deal around here, in just 3 weeks.
We have Christmas is just a few months, about 90 days I think.
We are discussing going to Vegas for a short vacation after the first of 2008.
John wants to go to Europe for an extended vacation in 2008 and we need passports.
Jordan has to have some help with college where scholarships fall short.
This is why I work full time outside of my home. It has only ever been the only reason I work.
So my kids and I can have and do things. If I can't pay for it, forget it.
This is why my dreams take a back seat to real life.

John knew when he told me that I needed to have a job in place when this one ends because of Jordan going to college, he had crossed a line.
I told him that I did not plan on buying the house when we were driving around Wednesday evening so I can pay for Jordan's college expenses.
He asked if that made me mad when he said that and I said no, but that he did hurt my feelings.

So Thursday when I got offered the job opportunity to work with 6 other women in an office, I told John that I plan on accepting it, what ever it will involve.
At this point I have no idea how much I will be making.
What exactly I will be doing or what my hours will be.
I have many reservations about the job, but will do it without complaining because that is what I do.

I have raised my children to follow their dreams, so thru them I will be living mine, for they are my biggest dream made reality.

The ones in my heart will have to find a new place to hide.

Answered prayers????

For the last month I have probably known this was coming.
The lack of communication was the big key.

I am out of a job as of December 31st of 2007.
The people I work for have decided not to move forward with the MediFast corporation that Hi Energy is a sister company to.
I started about 4 weeks ago cruising the internet and just getting an idea in my head about starting a scrapbooking store in the town I live in.
I found a site that let me print off a free scrapbooking store sample business plan and have been carrying that around for a few weeks.
Last Wednesday I took a drive to my favorite scrapbooking store in the town that is 45 minutes away. I did this with no adjenda and not taking anything to scrap just to "check out the store".
I walked in and it was empty feeling.
You know that feeling of when something isn't going well and the product you see is from the last time you were there, which was months ago.
The lady working and I are friends so she tells me the two owners are in a battle because the one who wants out is asking way way more than what she has into the store and does not agree to the other's contract demands.
The owner wanting out offered it to the lady working, but had to turn her down because she is so over the top with what she wants.

I am not a religious freak by any means, but I believe when God places something so strongly in your heart that you cannot help but follow.
I also believe He gives you 3 signs.
My first sign was me even thinking about opening a scrapbooking store.
It was in my dreams for goodness sakes!
The second sign was me driving for absolutely no reason 45 minutes away and staying for 3 1/2 hours at the scrapbooking store without working on a thing.
I could have at least gotten on page done. ((wink))
My third sign came this morning at 10:04 when my boss laid it out like he always does.
"As of December 31st, Hi Energy will no longer exist."
I sit thru the 2 1/2 hour meeting discussing what to tell the clientel I have coming in right now and when.
How to handle the advertising and handling the hours, which we do appointments only so its not to hard to adjust that.
I will be the only one working after Sept 30th.
My boss let the older lady who works part-time and does her summer vacationing in South Dakota know today.
I get to talk with the other two who work tomorrow evening and inform them of the changes.

This brings me back to my answered prayers.
I knew this was the direction the business was taking. I just felt it.
I am burned out.
So, I go to my dear husbands place of employment and inform him of the decision that has been laid before me.
I finally tell him I want to have my own scrapbooking store.
He was supportive telling me to call this business group that helps you and to call our friend who is a financial planner.
So, I call my friend who is a financial planner.
First words out of her mouth; I don't know a store that has lasted longer than a year.
Keep in mind, she doesn't scrapbook either.
She tells me there is a really old house for sale and John and I should consider opening a Bed and Breakfast and I could have all night crops there and have a scrapbooking store there.
At least she got the store in.
I call dear husband after our conversation and I tell him what she said.
He said that maybe we should wait until Jordan is settled in college to do anything and I should just look for a job else where after the first of the year.

My heart sank.
I have been on such a high all day thinking that I would finally get to do something I have dreamed of doing for years.
No more sitting at work thinking and dreaming.

Now I don't know what to do other than to table my dream.
Put my notebook up on a shelf and wait until the time is right... again.

More than likely that is what I will do.
I will finish out my days at Hi Energy because I like the people I work for and then maybe get an over night job working at one of the hotels around here.
There are always ads in the paper for evening positions.

I have about 100 days to decide what I want to.

Until then, I will just keep praying.

Family Vacationing

Have you taken an extended trip with family members?

We have rarely done this with mine.

We travel a lot with John's family and seem to get along just fine.

After 5 days in Texas with my brother, my dad and mom, I have come to this realization.

My family is full of freaks!

Of course I mean this in the most loving way.

My sister Vanessa didn't go, and I really didn't want her to go because she vacations like she lives.

On the go-go-go as fast as you can and cram every thing you can into one day.

We don't plan anything when we vacation.

We take one day at a time and check out the little brochure thingies in the hotel for ideas.

My dad kept saying he likes to take tours because the guide lady has an umbrella and they just have to follow her.

After the 4th time of hearing this I told him I was not a tour guide and I was not carrying an umbrella.

Let me start from the beginning.

We booked our tickets via Southwest about 3 months ago. Got a great deal for every one that wanted to go.

My dad is paranoid. A worry wort. A huge pesimistic person.

He calls two days before we leave to see if we are all on the same plane.

As my girlfriend Marianne always says...... OOYYYY!!

It just started from there.

My mother is a go-go-go personality as much as my sister, who does not believe she is anything like her.

She mostly drove me crazy with "You don't have to be strong around us Veronica. It's okay to cry for Steven." Four days of that will get in your head.

I have had 18 months to come to grips with what my son has chosen for a career at this point in his life.

I like to think I am like most mothers with children who are out of the nest or close to it anyway.

If I focus on all that could go wrong, I would be in the nut house with a padded cell and white coat.

Something I did learn that I had not clue about is how "life stupid" my brother is.

I should actually say he's life smart, because he was more than willing to let me or my parents foot his bills for this trip.

That came to an end in San Antonio when my dad paid for his hotel room.

My mom about came undone in the lobby. All my dad kept saying was that my brothers money was all in Nebraska.

Now, my brother has a debit card with the little Visa symbol at the bottom.

I told him he had better learn how to whip that piece of plastic out of his front pocket (that is where he carries his wallet ~ Nerd) and start using it or he was finding his own way back to Nebraska.

"The ATM doesn't like my card." was my favorite though.

He couldn't check his balance from the atm because it wanted to charge him a fee to use it.

To say the least, I had a 2 hour chat with my brother from San Antonio back to Fort Hood on the use of a debit card and on line banking.

Most of the windshield time was spent talking with my mom, which I enjoyed, minus the "Oh Veronica blah blah blah..." parts.

My brother and my dad learned a lot about me too on this trip.

For instance, I learned just how far to pull up a Crown Victoria (boat of a car) so that the rear drivers side door hits the cement post next to the gas pump because my father thinks he needs to show his 40 year old daughter how to pump gas.

"Um Veronica, I cant get out."
"That's the point dad. When you finish telling me how to drive around the parking lot of the gas station, I will let you free. Give me your credit card so I can get gas."
My mom was laughing so hard she was crying.

My brother learned on several occations that I was not afraid to throw him from an 80 mph moving vehicle if he didn't stop thinking I needed his input on how to drive down the interstate.

My personal favorite was when we were lost and I was getting back on an interstate in San Antonio to go see the Missions.
He was telling me I needed to go straight and not turn left. Telling me is an understatement. At this point I was the idiot.

I informed him that the blue arrow pointing to the left went with the blue interstate sign and the white arrow pointing straight went with the white highway sign.

A few explatives out of my mouth later and he said he would shut up from now on.

There are two things from my dad that I will remember most about this trip.

While waiting in the car for Steven at Fort Hood my dad announces he has to go to the bathroom.

I try to call Steven to see if he will come get his grandpa and take him to the bathroom.

Next thing I know, my mom is shoving her head into the headrest of my seat saying

"To late."
"What???"

My dad is peeing in an empty water bottle facing into the traffic that is heading east on a one way street.

My brother, the rocket scientist, says he is on heart pills and cannot help it.

I told him to shut the hell up that dad was on blood pressure meds not heart pills and there was a huge difference.

All the while my mom and John, Jordan, John's nephew Daniel and his girlfriend Ashley, who are in the lead car, are laughing so hard they are crying.

Steven finally shows up. My dad puts the bottle in the trunk of the car.

Steven tells him his darn lucky no MP's drove by. He's on federal property remember?

We go to a convience store and my brother says pop the trunk he will throw the bottle away.

I told him he would have to pry the keys from my cold dead hands before I would let him waltz across the parking lot with that bottle and to get his butt in the store.

Then my dad says the same thing. I told him when hell freezes over, I just had this conversation with his son and walked away.

He came up to me in the store and got the keys. I told him to tuck that bottle under his shirt so no one can see it.

Oh my Gosh!

My grandparents were probably laughing their butts off in heaven watching all this.

The other shake my head at my dad moment came on the last day when we were meeting Steven during his lunch hour at the base.

My mom was checking out all the food places at the mall we were at when my dad goes into panic mode because Mom can't see us. I was like what??

"Her eyes are bad and she can't see."
Since when?? She drives herself to work or shopping most days and has seemed to get around with out him holding her arm.

So mom sits down and I ask her if she is okay.

Can you see me alright?
Of course I get this confused look and I tell her what dad said.

She about busted a gut laughing. I told my dad he was just like his mother... Paranoid.

Steven's last words to me as we left the parking lot of the mall were...

"Don't kill any one on the plane Mom." With the little smirk he is so good at.

Little terd knows his mom.

As I look back at my 5 days with my brother, my mom and my dad in a car I know now why I have never done this before and why we flew instead of driving to Texas.

16 hours in a car with those 3???

Never.

The memories of this trip will haunt me enough.

Blooming into Life

The 24th of May, John and I worked out butts off planting a butterfly garden on the south side of our house.
I did a lot of looking on line about butterfly gardens.
I found a really nice pattern on bhg.com.
Printed off the list of flowers suggested and we took off for Lincoln.
We knew with out a doubt that we would not find the flowers we would want for the bed here in Norfolk.
We did not purchase everything that was listed.
The butterfly bushes and the blue salvia I bought at a plant sale that the local Lutheran Elementary school has every year.
When I finally got the chance to get to the plant sale and pick up my order, there were 3 purple and 2 gold butterfly bushes left. I thought what a beautiful color combination they would make so I took them.
When we finally planted them, I took the time to read the tags.
The purple butterfly bushes will get 5 to 7 feet tall.
The gold butterfly bushes will get 10 to 12 feet tall.
Its a good thing we planted them on the wall that has no windows or doors on it.
I love to walk over there and see how much our hard work has grown.
Everything was so small when we planted it, and now, there is little or no room for anything else.
As you can see by the pictures I took, they are doing well and the butterfly garden is a hit with this Yellow Swallowtail. I'm not really sure that is the name of this butterfly, but it has been around since the bushes started blooming.
Right now, the bees are busy harvesting the pollen and tonight I noticed a Monarch butterfly feeding also.
John said once when we were sitting outside one evening watching all the activity in our garden, the bird feeders were full of birds, and the squirrels were runing about, that we had created a haven for the wildlife.

That is what I was hoping for.

What I love....

Today's Scraptown Challenge is....
"I love ____________ because it reminds me of _________________."

I love to walk into the dealership my husband works at.
He is the Service Manager and works in the back with the mechanics.
In the winter time he smells like a service garage and I just love it.
My grandpa who helped raise me was a mechanic so the smell always reminds me of him.
It reminds me of the times we "helped" him to clean the pistons or helped him lift out a motor.
He would let us roll around on the flat wheeled thingy with out care.
He taught us how well a vice works at smashing stuff or using it to hold a paint can to cut off the bottom to get the marble out.
To this day, the smell of gasoline invokes memories of being a "grease monkey" with my grandpa. My grandma calling from the house to come get cleaned up to eat and about fainting when she saw the three little "hoodlems" as she called us, covered in oil from our blond heads to our little feet.
"Ach-do-lebah" she would always say. It mean's "I can't believe it" or something like that in German.
So thanks to my husband having the job he has, I get to revisit my grandpa and all the happy memories he left me when John comes home.

"I love the smell of a mechanics garage because it reminds me of my Grandpa."

I've Been Tagged....

My friend from Scraptown tagged me.
I'll get you someday Amy! ~insert evil laugh here~
If you are reading this consider yourself tagged so get at it!
I will be checking. ;)

Here are my....
7 Things you don't know about me

1. I spent every summer until I was 13 in Oklahoma
2. I love to watch Nebraska college football
3. Ho-Ho's are my most favorite thing to snack on
4. I want to open my own scrapbooking store with a coffee shop/cafe attached
5. My biological parents divorced when I was 3
6. I chew my fingernails
7. I laugh out loud in Hallmark when I read the funny cards

There is a bit of me you all were wanting to know right???

YOUR TURN!

The pet that rules the house

This is our little queen of the house, MeMe.
She is actually Jordan's dog, but, she takes turns with each of us.
We have had her two months, and today is her 6 month birthday.
She has almost doubled in size since we got her.
Her ears no longer lay over and her coat is becoming nice and full the older she gets.
She is spoiled to say the least and picky.
She gets tired of her treats so potty training has been fun. I tried to do the "ring the bell to go outside" thing. She is afraid of the bell. I have just learned that when she comes over to me, sits down and stares at me, that is a clue she may need to go outside. She has me well trained. Now she has to get every one else trained.
She is the first lap dog I have ever had.
My dad is a big dog person, so the smallest dog we ever owned was a Syberian Huskie.
My husband was raised with all small dogs and doesn't understand the draw for big dogs.
He wasn't thrilled with getting little MeMe at first, but she has him wrapped just like her owner.
He draws the line at walking her.
I have a friend who is all into crating your dog until they are about 1 to 2 years old.
When we leave for work, MeMe has run of the bathroom. It has a tile floor and she knows what the puppy pad is.
She understands that this is home until someone come's home.
With the other members of the house not quite trained on her behaviors of having to go potty, I am not quite ready to let her have run of the house for 8 to 10 hours of the day. Maybe someday, but not today.
It is nice when you come home late, to have her greet you at the top of the stairs with her tiny tail wagging and her giving kisses all over.
She has completed our "nuclear family" and makes us whole.

20 Years Together

Tomorrow, August 8th, my husband and I will celebrate 20 years together.
What a mile stone for us.
We were teenagers when we got married and a lot of people didn't think we were grown up enough to work thru all that we have.
As I reflect on the last 20 years, I cannot believe all we have done.
Had Steven in November fo 1987.
Moved to a low income apartment.
Opened a successful pizza business, that we sold to our partner and watched him take down the drain.
Told my family I was pregnant with Jordan.
Listened to the moans and groans of, oh my gosh, they are going to be so close together.
This from a man who has his own children less than a year apart!
Had Jordan in June of 1989.
Bought a home.
Opened a restaurant in my hubbies home town, with 9 other's already going.
Sold the house to help fund the restaurant.
Sold everything from the restaurant a year later.
Continued to live in hubbies home town.
Almost got divorced over living there and mother in law being a little to invasive.
Became a stay at home mom to the kiddies while hubbie worked at a hospital.
Then he got the job with Schwans.
Moved to a small small town in the middle of no-where Northeastern Nebraska, where they know when you flush the toilet.
He did that for 5 years and loved it.
Then he got the job he has now and we moved to Norfolk, where I got my job.
That was 8 years ago already.

Time has marched on.
That is always one for sure in life, that fortunately or unfortunatly, life goes forward and so must we.
I have pictures of us in most stages of our lives around my house and they bring back the memories of the last 20 years.

We joke that it feels like 200 years, but in truth, it has gone by in the blink of God's eye.
We aren't doing anything fancy to mark this mile stone.
Like my dear hubbie pointed out. 25 years in way more significant.
I am just happy to have my both my kids around for this one.
Who know's where they will be in 5 years or us for that matter.

I just know we will be together and looking forward to celebrating another 50 together.
We will only be 89 and 90 years young by then.

Soulful Sunday

There is nothing like a lazy Sunday to make you wish you didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

For the last 3 days we have enjoyed 3-19 year old "men" moving in and out of the house again.

The are my "sons", well actually, the one in the center is the one I gave birth to. The other two are his best friends in life.
They call themselves "The TriPod".

They talk to us about every thing. Most of which I have to stop them on. To much info!

Steven, my son, has been enlisted in the Army for over a year now and the one to his left has been also. Steven came home on July 28th for his two week furlow. The other was home the beginning of July, but flew in Friday, August 3rd, and surprised the other two. He leaves in September for Iraq and Steven was put on stand by 3 weeks ago. The other is playing baseball for a Junior College in Colby Kansas with hopes to one day play for the majors. He jokes that the two Army buddies can act as his body guards.

Today is their last full day together in Norfolk then Ben flies back to Kentucky at 2 p.m. on Monday, August 6th.

Steven will be home until August 12th and then he heads back to Texas.

Nick heads down to Kansas on the same day.

Watching them over the weekend, you see how when the three of them get together, they are still the same as they were in high school.

From left to right.

The ladies man, who is now stuck in a controlling relationship.

The thinker, who still goes outside on the deck to have a smoke and clear his head.

And the funny man, who told Jordan, my daughter, they were flying to Vegas tonight to get married so he could get extra money at each pay period.

They have a friendship that has stood strong for the last year and will continue even while two of the three legs of the TriPod are off serving their country and seeing the world.

So on this lazy Sunday evening, when I should be washing clothes for work tomorrow, I look back at the last 3 days and know that the memories of this weekend will be etched in our minds forever, and the laundry will always be there tomorrow.

Challenge #9 ~ Summer Veggies ~ Yum!

I love fresh vegetables.
There is nothing like the taste of a fresh ear of sweet corn, a tomato or a cucumber that were just picked.
If I had to pick a favorite though, it would be the tomato, or maybe Okra.
I just love fresh, corn bread covered and fried Okra.
My mouth is watering!
I grew up on an acrage, and I think the garden my folks had when there were 5 teenages storming thru their house, was an acre in itself.
I remember pulling the weeds.
Laying down the straw to prevent the weeds.
Picking the cucumbers and zucchini and feeling my arms just being all itchy.
These memories are probably pretty fresh because I was down to my folk's house yesterday and was doing just that.
Picking fresh produce from the "Farmer's Garden" as my mom called it.
There are some distint differences from my parents garden now from when there were 5 extra bodies at home.
The tomatoes were still green and overgrown with grasses and long viney stalks.
The zucchini had families of potato beatles crawling all over them.
The green peppers I got were huge! At minimum 6 inches long.
That is from years of spreading horse manure on the garden too.
I know there were potatoes in the ground somewhere, but couldn't tell them apart from the weeds.
My parents both work very hard and I know they plant the garden just to be able to share with others, so I am grateful for the 3 bags of produce I was to bring home.
I don't garden. I can't make a houseplant live, so a garden would be a total waste of time.
I guess I'm lucky to have the tomato plants and the pepper plants I put in pots still living.
That's only because my dear husband (dh) goes out and waters them for me.

Challenge #8 ~ Stuff that pisses me off

How much time do you have?
Just kidding! (wink)

My biggest is one I have going on right now in my life.
My sister trying to be mom to my daughter.
People "giving advice" on how to raise my kids just pisses me off.
If you have kids, have you ever noticed that most people cannot wait to tell you something they think you don't already know about them. Something they think or know will get them into trouble.
I for one know that mine were not born with wings and a halo.
So back to my sister...
Every few years I have to remind her that I am on the one who went thru the pain of bringing her into this world.
I am the one she calls when she has something horrible, happy or just wants to blab about in her day.
My teenage daughter is a different breed than when she was younger.
Yelling at her and saying mean things does not get any kind of good response other than mad.
She is like her mother in that way. We tend to share A LOT of traits.
I always tell my family, the one thing my biological mother gave me and I have passed to my kids, was the ability to walk away and not look back.
You piss on me or my kids, you had best be prepared to spend some alone time, because we don't appoligize for your actions.
She had a certain mold she thought Jordan should be and when Jordan shattered her mold, she went crazy.
My sister learned quick that buying her gifts doesn't cut it any more.
That cloak is see thru.
This will take a long time to heal, but, for both of them it was an important life lesson.
And I will leave it at that.

Challenge #7 ~ July 4th traditions

We don't have any traditions when it comes to the fourth.
The town we live in does a fireworks celebration that we are 1/2 a block away from, so we usually just walk to the top of the hill and watch.

Catching up

WOW! How time has flown by.
2 months, almost 3, since I sat at home and worked on my blog.
I have tried to work on it during the slower times at work, but cannot access it. I'm not sure why.
As August flew in and the end of summer and the last 3rd of the year rang in my head, I thought, what significant have I accomplished in my life or in someone else's life so far?
Nothing.

So instead of dwelling on what I have not accomplished great in my little life, I thought, I have a challenge that I have slacked on also. So here I am. Catching up on my blog challenge's all in one morning, or most of them anyway.

Challenge #6
1. What age woul you like to be for the rest of your life?
Inside I feel like I am 24, but if I had to choose one age to be, it would be 40. I am coming up on it soon. I have an exercise program and weight loss program in place in my life, well, most of the time. My kids are at wonderful ages. I see the kid and the adult in both of them. They are fun to be around and don't mind hanging out with mom and dad. I feel healthy. I look healthy so 40 is my magical number.

2. If you could own the world's largest collection of anything, what would it be?
This is a hard one. I don't collect anything but dust bunnies at my house.
I am not a collector of any one thing. The reason why?
My grandma used to make my sister and I dust her "fancy" bottle collection that she so lovingly kept colored water in and proudly displayed them in her windows.
To this day I still remember her saying "Don't you dare drop one of those."
UGH!
That probably explains my collection of dust bunnies too.

3. What three wishes would you ask of a genie in a bottle?
Wish #1 ~ For my children to live long and healthy lives with someone they love and who loves them.
Wish #2 ~ For my dh and I to live long and healthy too.
Wish #3 ~ To be able to travel anywhere at any time without worry about cost.
Wish #4 ~ To have my own thriving scrapbooking store where I could sit and create and teach others how fun it is to scrapbook.

4. What are the secrets to a longer, healthier life?
Finding someone who loves you just as much as you love them.
At the beginning of each day to thank the Lord above for allowing you to stay and make your mark on some thing or in some one's life.
As your head hits the pillow, looking back thru your day and recalling all the blessings He has given you and finding the positives in the bad.
And in between the beginning and the end to love with all our hearts.
To make someone smile and have them leave you smiling.
To not care if your house looks like a bomb went off in it and the kids, or the 6 month old puppy, wants to play.
To make each day a memory in your life because we only get one change to ride the merry go round.

5. What is something you feel too young to do?
Go on a "tour group" trip.
Most of the people on these kind of trips are old enough or older than my parents.

6. What are three things you need in order to be happy?
My husband, who keeps me centered.
My children, who keep me on my toes.
And my puppy, who sits and listens to me bitch about certain crap and then covers me in kisses when I am done.

7. If you had an extra day each month that no one else had, what would you do with it?
More than likely I would be cleaning. It seems to be what I do when I have the time.

8. What is something you'd like to do that you're not allowed?
As I think on this question, I don't have an answer.
I pretty much do what ever I want at home and at work.
I tend to curb my tounge a lot, probably to much, at work and with extended family matters, so maybe that is what I would do.
Tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

9. What superhero powers would you like to have?
To go be able to time travel.
I would go back to when my grandparents were alive and thank them for making me the woman I am today. Then take them to the future and introduce them to Steven and Jordan.
However, I believe they can see me and see how well the kids are turning out being born to two teenagers themselves.

10. What is something you wish you never had to worry about again?
How my kids are going to be.
That Steven will come home safe and sound from his tour in Iraq.
That Jordan will decide on her life's goals and make her dreams come true.

My Totem Pole ~ Blog Building Challenge #3

Since this challenge has been posted I have thought long and hard about it.
I researched totem poles and learned so much.
Being part Native American, it gave me a glimps into my very distance relatives.

My totem pole would resemble my life up to this point.
At the bottom would be a small Killer Whale, which is me (the oldest). There would also be two cubs. My brother to my right (middle child) and my sister (the youngest) to my left. They are so significant because being the oldest I have always tried to protect them. Next up would be a Dragon Fly. It would represent the changes we three would go thru when my dad remarried. Next would be a the symbol of a Halibut. This is John. The Halibut represents Life Protector, Strength and Stability. Next would be two Wolf Cubs. They represent Steven and Jordan. Next is a Beaver, which represents Creativity, Artistic and Determined. The last part of my totem pole would be me, an Eagle this time, on top with wings stretched to the heavens releasing two butterflies. One would be out off my wing as one still rests there. The Sun would be shining behind me. It represents a new day and the changes I have coming in my life.

I thought about what a personal totem pole for who I see myself as would look like.
It would start at the bottom with a Killer Whale, then have a Dragon Fly, a Dog Fish, a Hummingbird, a Bear and at the top, an Eagle.

Each of these symbols represent who I see myself to be.
The Killer Whale represents a Traveler & Guardian.
The Dragon Fly is an Ever Changing Life.
The DogFish is Persistance & Strength.
The Hummingbird is Love, Beauty, Intelligence and Spirit Messenger.
The Bear is Strength, Learned Humility (still working on that), Motherhood and Teaching.
Lastly, the Eagle represents Great Strength, Leadership and Prestige.

This was an interesting veiw of how the Spirits of the earth who guard & protect us see me and my family.

Coming Undone

I love this song.
The words seem to resinate in my head.
The video is aswesome.

Keep holding on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me

That's right
Deliverance of my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate

[Chorus]
Wait
I'm coming undone
Irate
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate

Choke choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
Since I was young
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet sugar gun
Does not protect me

That's right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now

[Chorus]

I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like i'm not getting better
Not getting better

[Chorus]

My favorite and least favorite foods

This is a hard one and an easy one at the same time.
My favorite food.....

Anything I don't have to cook basically.
I like to eat out.
I like to eat at nicer restaurants which is a trait we have passed on to our children.
The UpStream in Omaha is one of my favorites.
The food is always outstanding and they make their own beer.
That is dear husbands favorite part. We know the brewmaster personally.
I also like going to any Mexican restaurant, as long as its authentic.
No Taco Bell. No Taco Johns.
No fast food Mexican or burger joints for this chick.
The Nachos Grande, as they are called here, are the best.
If I had an endless stomach, and wouldn't gain 500 pounds, I could eat them all the time.
I guess I would have to say Mexican is tops on my favorite list.

My least favorite food is green peas.
Any kind of peas as a matter of fact.
They are just disgusting to me.
I have had them shoved down my throat when I was younger by my own sister.
My mother in law makes layered lettuce salad and I get teased by my husband and other in laws about the peas that are in a nice thick layer.
I never take any because of the peas.
Even if I pick them out, I can still taste them.
I plant peas in containers and grow them on the deck for my kids to eat fresh.
They can have peas for with a meal as long as I am gone for the weekend and the smell is out of the house.
I guess I am as disgusted with peas as others are with liver and onions.
There is another food I cannot stand and absolutely refuse to make.

I will never get to...

I will never get to talk to my biological mother again.

I have often thought about this day. If it would come.
I have looked for her. On the internet of course.
I have looked for her passed on parents.
They don't want to be found.
I like to think the good Lord in all his goodness is protecting me and my siblings from more pain than our hearts and minds can take.
After the last search I tried I thought...
Would I really want to sit down over a glass of iced tea and ask her "Why"?
No. I hold no interest in this anymore.
I think the question I would ask is more of "How" than "Why".
After 36 years, I have decided I don't care anymore.

This is a part of my life many do not venture into and I don't let them into it very easily.
Some pry at the door but years of brick and mortar keep it well guarded.
My husband used to pull once in a while at the door knob, but has given up years ago.
I don't think anyone understands the "How" of it.
When I do get asked, people think they understand.
I usually just smile and ask them what makes them think that.
Then the questions come, I feel them pulling at that door.
I give them answers, but just the programed ones I have learned to use long ago.
My favorite statement is "Oh I'm sorry Vern."
Sorry for what?
For the fact that I am a normal functioning human being?
Its not unheard of to turn out "normal" by going through such adversity.
I am a stronger woman and mother not because of her but inspite of her.
My son and daughter will be better parents because of me being so strong for them.

However, I am tired of being haunted by memories I wish you could erase.

I will never get the opportunity to chat with my biological mother, but you know what?
That is just fine with me.

It would have just wasted a good glass of tea.

I have been thinking...

Which is a dangerous thing for me to do since I usually find myself in a heap of trouble when all is said and done, but this time will be different.
I have decided to try to journal daily as to how my weight loss is going.
What I have done right.
What I am doing way wrong.
I went into work early to walk for 30 minutes in the building since it's absolutely pouring here.
This didn't happen.
When I get to work I start to think of all the things I need to get done.
It is a natural reaction.
Just like when you are thirsty, you find a drink.
I was busy the entire day.
This morning I got up and went to Pilate's, but the instructor is a yak-a-holic and she does more talking than instructing.
Today we learned all about how vitamins are absorbed into our systems and how her 8 year old daughter has to go to a specialist for dental work.
My girlfriend told the instructor at the beginning of class she had pulled tendon's in her right foot.
This will tell you how good the instructor is....
She has us do some standing exercises on a 6 inch by 8 inch foam yoga block and wants us to point our toes.
My foot is a size 9 so my toes were curled around the end of the block.
My girlfriend can't stand on her foot let alone balance on it. She can't point her toes with that foot.
So instead of modifying the exercises so my girlfriend can do them, she tells her to do what she can. My friend was hurt and mad. I know she was in pain when we left. She was mad and so was I.
I don't think I got any good out of today's class which is totally frustrating.
When you are paying for health, I want someone who is going to be as serious about making me healthy as I am.
We are getting a new instructor for the summer who is actually the owner of the Pilate's studio, so I know we will be hurtin' unit's once she starts.
It's raining (that is putting it mildly) here again today so no outside walk.
I am thinking I will find the MTV DVD I bought my daughter a few years ago and do it to rev up my metabolism for the day.
I have plenty of laundry to do today also, so the stairs will be part of my exercise when I carry the laundry up and down 24 stairs.
I haven't had breakfast yet, which consists of two protein shakes, so I am off to do that.
I need to run down to work, create an ad for Saturday's paper and pick me up some more shakes.
I am going tanning too.
I have decided that I look much better tan and the little double chin I have doesn't show up as much as when it's white as snow.
Fat just looks good tan. :)

The Deconstruction of My Diet

I hate going out of town.
Okay I don't hate it exactly. I hate being rushed when we are leaving.
We went back to my Mother-in-law's this weekend and I left all my supplement shakes at home.
What a bonehead move on my part.
I am PMSing this week and I will eat the drywall if it looks good!
We were rushing around to get going and I just left them.
I was almost to Grand Island when I remembered.
I tried really hard on Saturday, but, come Sunday, I let my PMS take over.
I am on a very restrictive diet of 5 supplement shakes and 1 meal.
No bread, no fruit. Only Protein and Vegies of some kind.
I don't know why I feel so compelled to eat off my diet at my Mother-in-laws, but it never fails.
It's almost like an invisible guilt factor kicks in and I am hungry from the time we get there until we leave.
It's not that she is non-supportive, its just that she has dishes of candy sitting around, there are cookies in the cabinet screaming my name, and my Mother-in-law brings all this to the table we sit at to chat and says "Help me finish this off."
My dear Husband does not need this either.
We are both about 100 pounds over weight. Our diet something we battle on a daily basis.
Me more than him of course. He doesnt mind being heavy like I do.
I am still trying to figure out why I sabotage myself like this.
Why is it we just don't say thanks but no thanks?
At what point am I going to get tired of being the fat sister in the family?
For me, big is not beautiful.
I am uncomfortable.
I hate being out of breath from climbing a flight of stairs.
I have not exercised (which I usually walk anywhere from 30 - 90 minutes each day) for 4 days.
My walking partner has pulled the tendon's in the bottom of her foot that runs from her heel to her toes. The doctor told her it was from walking barefoot at home and her walking exercise.
He may be a foot doctor but I think he's full of crap.
So I am back on my own with exercise.
I have to find the motivation to go out by myself.
I used to do it all the time, but, I can't stand to listen to the thoughts in my head when I do walk.
I am going to buy me an iPod and upload my favorite walking songs on there.
Mother's day is close. I will start to lay out some heavy hints.
So, yesterday (Monday, April 23rd) I started over. Again.
I didn't walk, but I did follow my diet to the letter.
It's raining here today and since I don't have a membership to any of the local clubs, I am going to work early and walk the building for 30 minutes.
There is a radio at work so the voices in my head won't distract me.

Death and Taxes

The only two things that are for sure in your life.
For the second year in a row, we are having to pay in on our taxes.
When we paid in last year, I suggested to John that he lower his dependants to zero.
He left them at 3. I am not sure why.
For the second year in a row, our accountant has not counted Steven as a dependant, even though he just graduated high school in May of 2006.
John will be calling our accountant today to find out what the heck that is all about.

I hate paying in on our taxes.
Of course its the last day we can mail them and as I was working on signing off on all the highlighted area's and making out the checks, my loving husband looks at me and says,
"Bring them to me at work and I will sign them before you go to work."
I was not a loving wife as he exited the house this morning.
"We" wait until last minute because John doesn't like to have the money leave our checking account before it's time.
Evidentally I have nothing better to do then to make sure I do everything on his time schedule.
Some days he drives me crazy.
We have only had our tax returns since April 1st.

So, before I go to work, I will swing by and let him waste 30 to 60 minutes of my time getting everything signed and sent off.
Maybe one day I will look back and laugh at how stupid I think this all is, but by then, I will be circling Heaven with the hopes of going thru the Pearly Gates.

Raising Teenagers

Do you have teenagers?
If you do, then you can relate.
This is the hardest part of parenting.
You may think that when they are first born is hard.
Can't talk, can't walk and go thru diapers like water is the hard part.
That's the easy part.
I am here to inform you, hold on to your shorts when they hit the teen years.
The first couple aren't so bad. 13 - 15.
Your just dealing with a lot of attitude during these years.
Its the 16 -19 that you begin to wonder if you are doing or have done the right things.
The expectations they know that are expected of them take a nose dive and it gets harder and harder to get the values you want instilled in your child across.
Peer pressure is alive and well and it will make or break your relationship with your kids.
It doesn't matter what your morals and values are. If its not what their friends expect, then they don't give a damn.
We are learning the hard way with Jordan.
She got a MIP (minor in possesion of alcohol) in January.
We went to meet with her diversion officer for the first time last night.
If she even gets a warning for a traffic violation, its off to court we go.
She has 6 months to get thru this.
A 9 p.m. curfew. No traffic violations. No hanging out with "bad people".
She cannot go out of town.
She can't spend the night with girlfriends unless they are here at our house.
So basically, John and I are grounded too.
More me than him since I am the "evil queen" of the house.
Prom night is the only exception and then the minute the post prom party is over, home.
I am not really sure if I will let her go to prom this year.
How do I think she will do?
I am not getting my hopes up.
Her dad and her were screwing around most of the time.
I don't think she will take it seriously.
Trust is really a big issue with me right now, and she doesn't have it.
She has until April 28th to prove she will straighten up and fly right or she can kiss prom goodbye for this year.

You think raising younger kids is hard?
Just wait.

UNLUCKY Things

As most of you who read this know, I started this blog as part of a weekly challenge by another scrapper and blogger in Scraptown.
Our first challenge was to make a list of 10 things that we consider to be unlucky that happen in our daily lives.
For the last 4 days I have racked my brain about finding items I think are unlucky.
I came up with one;
Have my gas tank of empty when pay day is a week away.
I even started a notecard to make up a list, but still, nothing else comes to mind.
I guess I look around my daily life and I see it filled with good things.
I was once a pesimist and could have well passed the 10 unlucky things, but over the last 10 years I have become an optimist.
My glass is always half full, never half empty.
Even my gas tank being almost empty and the fuel light blinding me in the pre-dawn hours doesn't effect me. I guess I know I have only 2 miles to go from my home to work and I can make it all week until payday.
I've done it, so I know.
Coming up with this list has been one of the hardest things I have done, next to getting two teenagers thru high school.
As I sit here writing this, I look around and try to think of some unlucky things that I have experienced in the last year.
And I still can't think of anything.
So for this week anyway...
Life is good.

Just curious

Do you ever wonder who reads your blogs?
Its usually something I am thinking about as I sit here and write.
Are you really interested in what is happening in my life in Nebraska
or could you really care less and are just browsing.
I guess I dont see my life as exciting and with nothing to exciting happening in it.
Just another day on the merry-go-round.
Of course I don't tell all about my day's at work or what my life is like.
There needs to be something to bring you back to read.
Today isn't one of those days.
Its a gloomy First Day of Spring.
The sun isn't shining. Its wanting to rain, but is only doing it on and off.
The birds are fornicatin', as Rabbit from Bambi would say.
That's about all the excitement going on here.
Today is chore day for me since I am home.
I am opting not to go into work since I have no appointments.
I could have gone down to clean, but I will have time in my day tomorrow for that.
My home NEEDS my attention.

I know it's not anything exciting.
But some time's.... That's just life.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post.
Have a great day.

The Mind of a Scrapbooker

Most people who know me in town only know that I am a counselor/manager of a weight control center.
Most don't know that I am a passionate scrapbooker.
Some of them don't understand how I can stand to scrapbook.
"I have tried it. I have all the stuff. It is too stressfull for me to even try."
I have heard it all, so I tend to keep that one personal fact to myself anymore.
They don't understand how it relaxes me.
How laboring over a page for more than 30 minutes puts everything in my crazy world back in to perspective.
This is my relaxation.
Scrapbooking centers my soul.
I love the creativity of it.
Everything I create comes from my own mind.
The older I get, the better I have become at accepting the compliment that I am creative.
Maybe not as creative as the scrapbooker's who own their own companies or are always getting their pages/creation's published, but, to people in a town of 25,000, I am creative.
Scrapbooking is a world I love to be in.
When I am scrapbooking, I shut out everything.
I tell people I scrapbook with not to think I am rude, but just focused because I usually only have 1 or 2 day's to scrap.
Most understand. Many do not.
My girlfriend who got me started scrapbooking is in the "do not" column.
She is a social scrapbooker.
She rarely gets anything accomplished at a crop, other than networking.
Try as I might to become a social scrapbooker, its just not for me.
I like being around other scrapbookers and talking occassionally, but, please let me do my thing.

I have discovered I need my creative side to exist in harmony with the rest of me.
When I am not able to be creative, I am crabby. I hate my job. I hate my world.
I can't battle my inner self.
I can't ignore the layout idea's that wake me from my sleep.
I can't wait to create a new page.

Are you a complainer?

I have recently taken a long look in my mirror.
I don't like some of what I have become.

I guess it really got me thinking when I watched one of the morning news shows (I'm all of a sudden addicted to Fox&Friends and the Today Show) and they showed the newest wristband craze.
A pastor thought of it.
You wear it. When you complain you have to move it to the other wrist.
In 21 days it is suppose to help curb your complaining or at least make you aware of how much you do.

I work in an enviroment where 95% of the people I see complain about one thing or another, and unfortunately, one of my closest friends is a cronic complainer. If she isn't able to complain, she isn't happy.
So, last week, I sat and did some soul searching about the person I was portraying to others.
How do I want to be remembered?
As someone who did nothing but complain about every thing and most every one?
Or, as someone who took life in stride and being thankful that the good Lord in all his wisdom let me enjoy another day.

I have always told my kids and husband to name 5 things that happened good in their day when they are complaining about it, but have never reversed it to myself.
Time to take stock in what I want to be remembered for and the kind of person I am.
I want to be grateful for what I have been given since it's only mine for such a short time.
When I sit and look around now, its time to pick out all the wonderful gifts I have, and I can think of 3 right off the top of my head.

Look around and make a list of your own and be thankful for it.
For it can all be taken away in the blink of God's eye.

And all is right with the world

Have you ever noticed how much better mood we humans are in when the sun is shining and we can open up our homes after a long winter?

Today everything, except my diet, is right with the world.
The geese are still flying over and their honks sound like singing.
The kids in the neighborhood are outside shooting hoops and playing.
Their little voices carrying on the light breeze.
The sun feels so warm and the air is clean and fresh.
The human race remembers what it is to be neighborly on days like today.
People wave and smile.
They take time to stop and look at the passing light clouds.
We go out to our gardens to check to see if the flowers we planted last fall made it thru the winter weather.
Mine look alive, but only time will tell.
This kind of weather makes us want to dig in the dirt.
To explore the places we love that take us back to nature.
To be active and shake off our winter blues.
Life is perfect on a day like today,
and all is right in the world.

Being a an Army Mom

I am so proud of how well my children have both turned out.
They are down to earth.
Respect others and each have dreams and minds of their owns.

Like my profile says...
My son is 19 and enlisted in the Army.
He is currently stationed in Texas at Fort Hood and he loves it there.
Its always warm. Warmer than Nebraska anyway.
He can run around in a t-shirt and jeans when he is not in uniform.
Kileen is a big enough town that there is plenty to do and
most of the time he and his buddies are taking road trips to Austin or
Dallas/Fort Worth to let off steam from the week.

Getting used to his Army lifestyle has been an adjustment.
Our phone conversations never last more than 5 minutes.
He always answers his phone, probably when he shouldn't,
but its getting other family members to understand that he isn't always free to talk is where he is coming to me to vent.
He calls me and talks when he has time, but usually he is surrounded by his friends and its hard to hear him.
My family likes to call him and talk for 15 to 30 minutes.
The other day he was at the doctor's office for a drug test and had to step out of line to talk with his aunt.
This I heard about.
"Make them understand Mom that this is my job. I could have gotten into serious trouble."
"Hit ignore Steven. Let them leave you a message and don't feel bad about doing it."

When he first went to Texas, his departure date for Iraq was set for the end of June, beginning of July. Two weeks ago it was pushed back to August and this week, its September.
He told his dad he would come home for the next 4 day vacation they got.
He may be in the field over Easter so it may be the end of May before we see him again.

I am thinking a trip to Texas may be in order once we know he is back from the field.

The Morning Routine

I hate our mornings around here.
I have for the last 20 years and I am sure I will for the next 50.

My husband is just not a morning person.
You do not speak to him before 10 a.m.
My daughter has kind of taken on the same persona.
God help her husband someday.
My son is the same until he is out of the shower.
Then his personality is revived.
Did I know this before we got married?
No.
I have said something in the past but have learned to just keep my mouth shut.
I hate that I have to be the one to say "I love you" as he shuts the door to leave.
Is he even thinking of me and that maybe I would like to have him look me in my eyes and say those words rather than shut the door as I am saying them.
Its hard to be married some days.

This is one of those days.

I feel absolutely worthless.
I wonder if he would miss the "I love you" if it didn't come.

I know it's amplified even more by the absolute dread he has for his job.
Both of us are in bad places with our jobs, but his is worse because the "abuse" he endures comes from his General Manager.
Perfect example.....

Monday the managers had a meeting about why they thought the car dealership was so slow the month of February.
In the middle of my husband giving his thoughts as to why the service department was slow, the GM cuts in and says....
"I would really like to take an axe to people's heads."

WHAT?!?!?!
My husband said nothing more and just went on with his day.
He never says anything.

Tuesday, in the scheduled managers meeting, the GM announced that every one's pay plan was going to be reviewed.
Our pay has dropped about $15,000.00 in the last 4 years, which was the last time he saw a raise from the dealership.
As a matter of fact, none of the mechanics or any of the other help in the service area's have gotten raises in the last 4 years.

Today, my husband gets to ride to North Dakota for some kind of service meeting with the same GM.
He has talked to a General Motors rep that comes around about once a quarter to check on things.
Her comment was, all dealerships are like this.
Really? The owners of the dealership know this goes on and are okay with it?
What is wrong with these people that they think it's a job boost to have people working for them who hate their boss and know nothing is ever going to get better.

Signs of Spring

I just love when you can smell the change of season's in the air.
I went for my afternoon walk (which usually happens at 5:30 a.m.) on Sunday.
I live a block from our local lake and was so happy to see the Snow Geese with a few Canadians mixed in, heading North.
I love to hear the honking as they fly over the house.
The geese sound out the start of Spring and the beginning of Fall for me, when they head back South.
The Linden tree in our front yard is covered in buds.
The snow on Sunday was melting away and as of Monday it was gone.
What a beautiful blue sky too.
The sun seems to be shining extra bright even today.
It is a good time to stop and take in the beauty of God's creations we see every day with new eyes.
I always wonder about that with people who live in places that offer such awesome sights.
Do they stop to enjoy the beauty of it on their ride home or has it turned into the same trees, mountain, sky, etc., as it was yesterday.
I always wonder that when we are on a road trip or on vacation to a different part of the country.
To me, Nebraska is flat.
The ride to Lincoln is flat.
But go 60 miles west of Norfolk and you start to run into the sandhills.
Talk about enjoying the scenery.

With the onset of "Daylight Savings Time" on Sunday, March 11th,
it will seem weird to wake up and go walking with out seeing the sunrise.
When I leave in the early morning hours, Orion is right above my front door.
I always say good morning to him.
Being married to a hunter and having a son who loves to hunt,
he is our guardian and is always welcome.

Here goes!

This is my first time at making a blog, so I hope there is no right or wrong way!
We, I mean all the members of Scraptown, were challenged to create a blog, so here I am.

I am taking today for myself.
Well, kind of.
I already went into work and am now back home.

I work at a weight control center and Wednesday's are my only days "free" to get stuff accomplished there that I cannot get done during normal working hours.
My job is beginning to take it's tole on me.
You would think that with working at a weight control center I would be butt skinny.
Actually, its the other way completely.
In order to do this job, you have to be a dietician, a psychologist, a mind reader and be able to take having women chew you out if they gain or do not lose.
I am tired, after almost 6 years, of my own goal weight being put last.
I internalize, just like most women do, on how to fix all the women problem's who come in to the center.
I'm lucky to keep my own at bay, let alone 100 other women's.
Not all women are like this, but when they are completely reliable on you for answers,
some times, I have nothing left to give, and this is the point I am at.
I am ready to stop having people yelling at me for something I do not control.
I have a few ideas of what I want to do, but, right now, money is a bigger issue, so I stay put.