I have been thinking...

Which is a dangerous thing for me to do since I usually find myself in a heap of trouble when all is said and done, but this time will be different.
I have decided to try to journal daily as to how my weight loss is going.
What I have done right.
What I am doing way wrong.
I went into work early to walk for 30 minutes in the building since it's absolutely pouring here.
This didn't happen.
When I get to work I start to think of all the things I need to get done.
It is a natural reaction.
Just like when you are thirsty, you find a drink.
I was busy the entire day.
This morning I got up and went to Pilate's, but the instructor is a yak-a-holic and she does more talking than instructing.
Today we learned all about how vitamins are absorbed into our systems and how her 8 year old daughter has to go to a specialist for dental work.
My girlfriend told the instructor at the beginning of class she had pulled tendon's in her right foot.
This will tell you how good the instructor is....
She has us do some standing exercises on a 6 inch by 8 inch foam yoga block and wants us to point our toes.
My foot is a size 9 so my toes were curled around the end of the block.
My girlfriend can't stand on her foot let alone balance on it. She can't point her toes with that foot.
So instead of modifying the exercises so my girlfriend can do them, she tells her to do what she can. My friend was hurt and mad. I know she was in pain when we left. She was mad and so was I.
I don't think I got any good out of today's class which is totally frustrating.
When you are paying for health, I want someone who is going to be as serious about making me healthy as I am.
We are getting a new instructor for the summer who is actually the owner of the Pilate's studio, so I know we will be hurtin' unit's once she starts.
It's raining (that is putting it mildly) here again today so no outside walk.
I am thinking I will find the MTV DVD I bought my daughter a few years ago and do it to rev up my metabolism for the day.
I have plenty of laundry to do today also, so the stairs will be part of my exercise when I carry the laundry up and down 24 stairs.
I haven't had breakfast yet, which consists of two protein shakes, so I am off to do that.
I need to run down to work, create an ad for Saturday's paper and pick me up some more shakes.
I am going tanning too.
I have decided that I look much better tan and the little double chin I have doesn't show up as much as when it's white as snow.
Fat just looks good tan. :)

The Deconstruction of My Diet

I hate going out of town.
Okay I don't hate it exactly. I hate being rushed when we are leaving.
We went back to my Mother-in-law's this weekend and I left all my supplement shakes at home.
What a bonehead move on my part.
I am PMSing this week and I will eat the drywall if it looks good!
We were rushing around to get going and I just left them.
I was almost to Grand Island when I remembered.
I tried really hard on Saturday, but, come Sunday, I let my PMS take over.
I am on a very restrictive diet of 5 supplement shakes and 1 meal.
No bread, no fruit. Only Protein and Vegies of some kind.
I don't know why I feel so compelled to eat off my diet at my Mother-in-laws, but it never fails.
It's almost like an invisible guilt factor kicks in and I am hungry from the time we get there until we leave.
It's not that she is non-supportive, its just that she has dishes of candy sitting around, there are cookies in the cabinet screaming my name, and my Mother-in-law brings all this to the table we sit at to chat and says "Help me finish this off."
My dear Husband does not need this either.
We are both about 100 pounds over weight. Our diet something we battle on a daily basis.
Me more than him of course. He doesnt mind being heavy like I do.
I am still trying to figure out why I sabotage myself like this.
Why is it we just don't say thanks but no thanks?
At what point am I going to get tired of being the fat sister in the family?
For me, big is not beautiful.
I am uncomfortable.
I hate being out of breath from climbing a flight of stairs.
I have not exercised (which I usually walk anywhere from 30 - 90 minutes each day) for 4 days.
My walking partner has pulled the tendon's in the bottom of her foot that runs from her heel to her toes. The doctor told her it was from walking barefoot at home and her walking exercise.
He may be a foot doctor but I think he's full of crap.
So I am back on my own with exercise.
I have to find the motivation to go out by myself.
I used to do it all the time, but, I can't stand to listen to the thoughts in my head when I do walk.
I am going to buy me an iPod and upload my favorite walking songs on there.
Mother's day is close. I will start to lay out some heavy hints.
So, yesterday (Monday, April 23rd) I started over. Again.
I didn't walk, but I did follow my diet to the letter.
It's raining here today and since I don't have a membership to any of the local clubs, I am going to work early and walk the building for 30 minutes.
There is a radio at work so the voices in my head won't distract me.

Death and Taxes

The only two things that are for sure in your life.
For the second year in a row, we are having to pay in on our taxes.
When we paid in last year, I suggested to John that he lower his dependants to zero.
He left them at 3. I am not sure why.
For the second year in a row, our accountant has not counted Steven as a dependant, even though he just graduated high school in May of 2006.
John will be calling our accountant today to find out what the heck that is all about.

I hate paying in on our taxes.
Of course its the last day we can mail them and as I was working on signing off on all the highlighted area's and making out the checks, my loving husband looks at me and says,
"Bring them to me at work and I will sign them before you go to work."
I was not a loving wife as he exited the house this morning.
"We" wait until last minute because John doesn't like to have the money leave our checking account before it's time.
Evidentally I have nothing better to do then to make sure I do everything on his time schedule.
Some days he drives me crazy.
We have only had our tax returns since April 1st.

So, before I go to work, I will swing by and let him waste 30 to 60 minutes of my time getting everything signed and sent off.
Maybe one day I will look back and laugh at how stupid I think this all is, but by then, I will be circling Heaven with the hopes of going thru the Pearly Gates.

Raising Teenagers

Do you have teenagers?
If you do, then you can relate.
This is the hardest part of parenting.
You may think that when they are first born is hard.
Can't talk, can't walk and go thru diapers like water is the hard part.
That's the easy part.
I am here to inform you, hold on to your shorts when they hit the teen years.
The first couple aren't so bad. 13 - 15.
Your just dealing with a lot of attitude during these years.
Its the 16 -19 that you begin to wonder if you are doing or have done the right things.
The expectations they know that are expected of them take a nose dive and it gets harder and harder to get the values you want instilled in your child across.
Peer pressure is alive and well and it will make or break your relationship with your kids.
It doesn't matter what your morals and values are. If its not what their friends expect, then they don't give a damn.
We are learning the hard way with Jordan.
She got a MIP (minor in possesion of alcohol) in January.
We went to meet with her diversion officer for the first time last night.
If she even gets a warning for a traffic violation, its off to court we go.
She has 6 months to get thru this.
A 9 p.m. curfew. No traffic violations. No hanging out with "bad people".
She cannot go out of town.
She can't spend the night with girlfriends unless they are here at our house.
So basically, John and I are grounded too.
More me than him since I am the "evil queen" of the house.
Prom night is the only exception and then the minute the post prom party is over, home.
I am not really sure if I will let her go to prom this year.
How do I think she will do?
I am not getting my hopes up.
Her dad and her were screwing around most of the time.
I don't think she will take it seriously.
Trust is really a big issue with me right now, and she doesn't have it.
She has until April 28th to prove she will straighten up and fly right or she can kiss prom goodbye for this year.

You think raising younger kids is hard?
Just wait.