The Deconstruction of My Diet

I hate going out of town.
Okay I don't hate it exactly. I hate being rushed when we are leaving.
We went back to my Mother-in-law's this weekend and I left all my supplement shakes at home.
What a bonehead move on my part.
I am PMSing this week and I will eat the drywall if it looks good!
We were rushing around to get going and I just left them.
I was almost to Grand Island when I remembered.
I tried really hard on Saturday, but, come Sunday, I let my PMS take over.
I am on a very restrictive diet of 5 supplement shakes and 1 meal.
No bread, no fruit. Only Protein and Vegies of some kind.
I don't know why I feel so compelled to eat off my diet at my Mother-in-laws, but it never fails.
It's almost like an invisible guilt factor kicks in and I am hungry from the time we get there until we leave.
It's not that she is non-supportive, its just that she has dishes of candy sitting around, there are cookies in the cabinet screaming my name, and my Mother-in-law brings all this to the table we sit at to chat and says "Help me finish this off."
My dear Husband does not need this either.
We are both about 100 pounds over weight. Our diet something we battle on a daily basis.
Me more than him of course. He doesnt mind being heavy like I do.
I am still trying to figure out why I sabotage myself like this.
Why is it we just don't say thanks but no thanks?
At what point am I going to get tired of being the fat sister in the family?
For me, big is not beautiful.
I am uncomfortable.
I hate being out of breath from climbing a flight of stairs.
I have not exercised (which I usually walk anywhere from 30 - 90 minutes each day) for 4 days.
My walking partner has pulled the tendon's in the bottom of her foot that runs from her heel to her toes. The doctor told her it was from walking barefoot at home and her walking exercise.
He may be a foot doctor but I think he's full of crap.
So I am back on my own with exercise.
I have to find the motivation to go out by myself.
I used to do it all the time, but, I can't stand to listen to the thoughts in my head when I do walk.
I am going to buy me an iPod and upload my favorite walking songs on there.
Mother's day is close. I will start to lay out some heavy hints.
So, yesterday (Monday, April 23rd) I started over. Again.
I didn't walk, but I did follow my diet to the letter.
It's raining here today and since I don't have a membership to any of the local clubs, I am going to work early and walk the building for 30 minutes.
There is a radio at work so the voices in my head won't distract me.